Painful in my heart!

I write my feeling on this blog, cuz i know no one can read it... I dont like to show up my feeling to someone who i dont know , but i dont like to write to my freneds who i know as well, that will make gossip on my head...
I dont have this love feeling for a long time. I do my best to control that cuz i m scared that i will get hurt again and again. I m not confidence on this relationship. I dont know why. He tried nice to me. I feel very happy to be him. Sometime I was wondering that is truth or not. I asked myself why I was scared on my heart. Sometime i can feel he has feeling with someone else on internet who live in Japan, but i cant find out who. That is my problem, cuz i dont understand Japanese. I have this strange feeling for a long time, sometime i told myself dont think too much, sometime the feeling suddenly show up... I was very down last nite. He asked me question about if my bf have sex wtih somone without feeling, or he has feeling with someone who has no sex, he asked me which one i will forgive that. I wont forgive both. cuz i know that is suffering between us. I was crying last nite, in my deeply heart, i can feel he has someone else,, even he sadi no,,, why relationship is hard to keeping good and longer.... why he has many tempatation on the website....
I waann pray how can I keep this relationship as longer as i can,, if he really good to me, i wanna to be with him forever, but if he has someone else, i would like to run away, even i know it is too hurt and hard in my heart... short pain is better than longer pain
God tell me he is my future man or not... how can i deal with him....
God teach me how can i do?
i feel very down today...... sigh.. why i make myself like that..
hope he can read my mind... hope he really loves me...

Heavy Rainning!!

It is heavy Rainning today! Like my feeling ,,,,, little bit sadness for myself...
How time flies!!! I watched moive of CLICK last weekend. I felt it was funny moive..but the film touched me a lot in my heart.. The moive express some our part of life...It was meaningful. I have half year relationship with my bf, ups and downs. fighting and make up..
I asked myself sometime, how can i deal this relationship,, Sometime i was scared that happiness will gone..... I am worried that he has other girls......I think that is not kind of feeling,,,, that is my six sense,,,, so strange with him sometime... I cant find out why and what. Little bit sorry for myself, cuz i cant understand his language... I have to trust him , but it is so wired. I dont know he will have future with me or not,,,sigh... I know he is not family person type... he doesnt like boring life.. he likes to chanlleng and try new things,, mabye he will boring with me one day as he wants to try new person.. who know.. Today it is enough worriy, why i have to worry tomorrow.. I cant help to worry that.. I am getting older,,, as i know i was so worried that I will make wrong decision again.. God tell me how can I do..
Hope everything will be going well.. cuz i got many hurt in my life,,, so scared bad lucky will happend
Busy with my assignments and working... I still dont know what kinds of topic i will write it on my assignments. Maybe i have to think about it..

I dont like rainning, it makes me down sometime...

Someone Wedding!!!!

Today I heard of my co-worker that she will marry with someone who is Pastor. She told us she will marry in Hawaii and have her honey moon in Japan. I am so happy for her , cuz she is up to 50 years old, She is pretty in her age. Keeping good skin and slim body.. She is alway keeping pray for her marry... Now she is happy to find acompany in her life. She told us she will retired and move to Canada. God Bless her!!!
I felt so sorry for myself. I had very very unhappy life before due to i choise wrong person.
When i heard many of my frends get married,, my heart is little bit pain,, I asked myself, If I have good temper or not too much expecation, maybe I can find someone i love and good to me.
Now I m getting worry. cuz I dont know when and how i will marry...So scared to heard that. Even I really want to marry. Life is not easy for everyboday... Many adverture,, I m so scared that I will make wrong desicion and choose wrong person so that I will make myself painful again and again.. The broken heart will become many pieces and pieces...
It is not easy for two person compromise and take care each other,, sometime I was so worried that my lover will find others during our relationship.. that will get more pain and pain,, there is no granuteen in our life to bond one person....

God Bless Me....

Friends.....

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me becuase their friends thought i didnt exist---Aaron Machado
A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down ---Arnold H. Glasgow

Friends come and go but enemies accumulate. -- Arthur Bloch

There are three faithful friends, and old wife, and old dog, and ready money -- Benjamin Franklin

A true Friend is somone who thinks that ou are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly craked -- bernard Meltzer

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes -- Doug Larson

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same -- Elbert Hubbard

The best time to amke friends is before you need them ==Ethel Barrymore

God gives us our relatives -- thank God we can choose our friends --Ethel Watts Mumford

Treat your friends as you do your pictu5res, and place them in their best light -- Jennie Jerome Churchill

He is a fine friends. He stabs you in the front -- Leonard Louis Levinson

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience; this is the ideal life -- Mark Twain

To find a friend one must close one eye -- to keep him, two -- Norman Douglas

Friendship is far more tragic than LOVE,. It lasts longer -- Oscar Wilde

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a frienship, and it is far the best ending for one -- Oscar Wilde

Friendship will not stand the strain of very much good advice for very long -- Robert Lynd

I have three kinds of friends: those who love me, those who pay no attention to me, and those who detest me--Sebastien

Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy -- Spike Milligan

If you have one true friends you have more than your share -- Thomas Fuller

The best way to keep your frends is not to give them away. - Wilson Mizner